I want to hug every baby

afloweroutofstone:

smelterdemon:

Look at this smug baby……

This baby has secrets

lonelydad38:

nessanotarized:

nativefemboy:

thartist72:

“In 2002, having spent more than three years in one residence for the first time in my life, I got called for jury duty. I show up on time, ready to serve. When we get to the voir dire, the lawyer says to me, “I see you’re an astrophysicist. What’s that?” I answer, “Astrophysics is the laws of physics, applied to the universe—the Big Bang, black holes, that sort of thing.” Then he asks, “What do you teach at Princeton?” and I say, “I teach a class on the evaluation of evidence and the relative unreliability of eyewitness testimony.” Five minutes later, I’m on the street. A few years later, jury duty again. The judge states that the defendant is charged with possession of 1,700 milligrams of cocaine. It was found on his body, he was arrested, and he is now on trial. This time, after the Q&A is over, the judge asks us whether there are any questions we’d like to ask the court, and I say, “Yes, Your Honor. Why did you say he was in possession of 1,700 milligrams of cocaine? That equals 1.7 grams. The ‘thousand’ cancels with the ‘milli-’ and you get 1.7 grams, which is less than the weight of a dime.” Again I’m out on the street.”

powerful Black Science Man

Exactly.

Too sick a burn not to reblog

lonelydad38:

nessanotarized:

nativefemboy:

thartist72:

“In 2002, having spent more than three years in one residence for the first time in my life, I got called for jury duty. I show up on time, ready to serve. When we get to the voir dire, the lawyer says to me, “I see you’re an astrophysicist. What’s that?” I answer, “Astrophysics is the laws of physics, applied to the universe—the Big Bang, black holes, that sort of thing.” Then he asks, “What do you teach at Princeton?” and I say, “I teach a class on the evaluation of evidence and the relative unreliability of eyewitness testimony.” Five minutes later, I’m on the street.

A few years later, jury duty again. The judge states that the defendant is charged with possession of 1,700 milligrams of cocaine. It was found on his body, he was arrested, and he is now on trial. This time, after the Q&A is over, the judge asks us whether there are any questions we’d like to ask the court, and I say, “Yes, Your Honor. Why did you say he was in possession of 1,700 milligrams of cocaine? That equals 1.7 grams. The ‘thousand’ cancels with the ‘milli-’ and you get 1.7 grams, which is less than the weight of a dime.” Again I’m out on the street.”

powerful Black Science Man

Exactly.

Too sick a burn not to reblog

moonsmoothie:

whoops felt like being a cute demon babe today

thisishangingrockcomics:

actual diary entry from when i was in 5th grade oh my god

greymichaela:

owlmylove:

therewerestarsintheireyes:

so this housewife decided to rewrite the harry potter series into christian books so that her kids wont be reading about witchcraft and i just cant eveN BREATHE BC THIS IS SO HYSTERICAL

read it here:

Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles

image

"You’re a Christian, Harry."

HELP

foxnewsofficial:

there was a lizard in the shower so i said hello to it and the person showering next to me was like “hi??” i wasn’t sure whether to carry on the conversation or be like sorry i was talking to a lizard 

trinandtonic:

dontbearuiner:

lawebloca:

Friends

This is a very important post.

babies babying together

partner: you be the teacher ill be the student ;)
me: okay
me: write an essay on whether theatre architecture of a particular period always reflects that period's culture. i want it on my desk by monday
partner: oh no but... thats such a hard essay... is there anything i can do for extra credit? ;)
me: no
partner: but professor.... surely then i could... persuade you to extend the deadline...? ;)
me: no
partner: so... what do you want, professor?? ;)))
me: an essay on whether theatre architecture of a particular period always reflects that period's culture. on my desk. by monday
theme